january scans
existing without expectation
I think the act of engaging with film, sitting very intentionally, has been healing for me. January is always a good tone-setter for the year, and I can see both the joy and sorrow waiting for us
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Mostly I am existing without expectation and looking for inspiration to plan a story. Or at least think about a story. I fear that if I ever write this, it will be the most challenging book of my life. Whatever that means. I have whispers of ideas… concepts… but still the story evades me. And I am learning to be okay with that. To sit in the eye of the storm and wait to see what’s left after all
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All the movies this month have been life-altering. They remind me that story is out there. My story is waiting for me. But oh I hate waiting. I want the storm to pass. I want the ICE gone. I want to know where it’s all going
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The trees are ancient, they weather the storm, but what happens when even they snap? How do you write about things that needn’t have happened? How do you sit in the unending grief?
— jan 25 2026
Inspiration this month comes from: Mary Oliver, Oscar Wilde, The Testament of Ann Lee soundtrack (Daniel Blumberg), Resurrection soundtrack (M83), Céline Sciamma, Karl Ove Knausgård, Joachim Trier, Lukas_Flippo, marinalias, sundariphoto