wrapping up november

i finished wedding season and war & peace!!!! finally!!!

I am closing out wedding season with a few final events and last minute edits, and while it’s quite tiring (this is the biggest year of weddings I’ve ever done, maxing out at eight), it’s also been so incredibly fulfilling. I finally have a rhythm down with my film cameras (it’s chaotic, but worth it), and when I get film scans back I don’t hold my breath in the same way. It’s the eagerness of seeing just what I shot, what accidents made magic, rather than the desperate plea with the universe to PLEASE LET ANY OF THESE ROLLS TURN OUT OKAY. It’s growth!!! I’m making work I’m incredibly proud of, and I feel like I’ve finally found the best way to honor myself and my clients and my art and my business all at the same time. I made a new wedding package guide for the first time in like two years, and it just reminded me that wow, I’ve come a long way. And I’m so lucky to be here, ten years since I shot my first wedding, still kicking it.

I’m hesitant to daydream about where my business will be in a year, but at this time last year, I hadn’t booked a single wedding, so who knows. I already have two on the calendar for next fall.

But truthfully, I would very much like a break. I think I’ve been going non-stop with freelance work since May, so most of my “off” days are busy shooting or traveling or editing frantically. (Or feeling bad for not doing that.) Almost every weekend this month has been spent sitting in the same coffeeshop, editing for five or six hours straight, trying to crank out galleries as fast as I can. There was one Saturday where one of the baristas kept checking on me like, “Wow you must be in the zone, you’ve been here for so long! Can I get you a cookie or something?” (It was very sweet. I felt insane.)

I wanted to “relax” this month by leaning into my books (surprise surprise). But that just turned into four weeks of obsessively reading Russian literature at cafés and bars, so who knows. Fewer books finished and pages read, but somehow more brain power used.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve been reading non-stop for the last two years. I picked up Les Mis on Nov 20, 2023 and just…kept reading. Zero reading slumps, almost no slowing down, often reading multiple books at once. I’ve kept up a page-a-day reading streak on Storygraph for the last 330 days, I finished reading War and Peace on Nov 20, 2025.

And you’d think that maybe I’d feel burnt out. Or that I would need to pause, to read less, to stop trying so hard. Because in the past when I’ve read a hundred books in a year, my next season devolved into television binges and doomscrolling. Truthfully, I haven’t wanted to actively watch television and movies in months. I watch one-offs here and there, but the urge to WATCH THINGS is just gone. I think short-form video content destroyed me for the time being. And maybe that’s good, I don’t know.

But the thing about building a reading habit, and leaning into the “reading ecosystem” of it all, is that I’ve built a system that brings me life. It’s not (usually) a struggle or a slog or something I feel like I have to do. There are good reading days and bad, obviously, and some books are more engaging than others, but truthfully, I just find it so natural now to be reading. Something. Anything. Even just for ten minutes a day. So there’s no reason for me to “take a break” from it or actively slow down because it’s not hindering me. I do believe I feel better because I have a book that I’m currently reading.

I am going to attempt to actually calm down next year, to force myself to lean into physical paperbacks more, but reading a lot for two years straight has been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I’ve decided I’m officially cutting short-form video content out of my life next year (it won’t be hard, I only scroll YTShorts a few times a week after work), and that stems from both enjoying reading so much and also from fearing that short-form content is affecting my reading and my brain.

Truthfully, the last two years have been a steady commitment to both rebuilding my life after hitting rock bottom in my late twenties and also reconfiguring my life in the wake of a post-AI, post-short-form-video-content world. It’s a work in progress still, but I am finally noticing the effects of my efforts. I read the news more often from real news sources. I scroll differently, if not less often. I am reading more varied books and authors. I just feel…better. Different. More mature maybe. Less brain-rotty. (Or at least, brain-rotty in a different, more fun way.)

I think actually, I feel more adult. Hmm.

I’m hoping (crossing all my fingers and toes) that this final wedding I have to edit won’t take me too long so I can spend the very end of the year just…existing. Maybe reading a lot, hopefully spending more time with my best friend, ideally going to the climbing gym more. I am worried that slowing down will give my brain an existential crisis, but that’s a problem for my therapist to deal with in January. It’s almost the best time of year (New Year, duh) and I’m feeling alive again. It’s almost time for the end of the year lists!!!!!

BOOKS

Big news over here! I’ve been using this month to conquer the tail end of my Storygraph reading challenges and WE DID IT! I hit all of them!! Read 100 books? Check. Read 43,000 pages? Check. Read 12 books translated to English from 12 unique languages? CHECK! Read WAR AND PEACE BY LEO TOLSTOY? HELL YEAH CHECK!!! And we still have a month left of the year! Still time for some very good (or very bad) decisions.

Lie With Me by Philippe Besson (Translated from French)
Adult Queer LitFic

“Why me? He says: Because you are not like all the others, because I don’t see anyone but you and you don’t even realize it. He adds this phrase, which for me is unforgettable: Because you will leave and we will stay.”

For my final language translation, I wanted to hit French. I forgot this was even a translated work until I saw it on my Libby app and decided I could sit through a quick audiobook. Well, I did not make it very far before I had to sit down with the ebook and pour over Besson’s text. Molly Ringwald’s translation is fantastic, but the autobiographical story that Besson tells is just breathtaking. Sad, but gorgeous. I instantly fell in love with him and his writing style.

If you’re a fan of A Little Life, most people link these two books together, but I think Besson is perfect for fans of Brandon Taylor, C.S. Pacat, and even Fredrik Backman.

In the Absence of Men by Philippe Besson (Translated from French)
Adult Queer Historical LitFic

“It is the present, its futility, its essential mortality, which interests you. That is what it means to be sixteen: To live always in ephemeral moments, whereas I love only those things which endure, whose roots are buried in the past, in memory. My life is behind me and I work to rediscover it, to reassemble it, to give it meaning.”

So then! After Lie With Me, I decided to check out his other work (the only other translated one at the moment, his first publication from 2001). I didn’t think much of it when I picked it up, mostly because this is a true historical fiction text (and I keep trying to convince the world I don’t like historical fiction, but I think I’m lying to myself) but holy cow. The way Besson writes is just…stunning. It’s such a strange (sad) little story, about queerness and friendship and, believe it or not, war, but it packs a huge punch. Every other paragraph knocked me on my ass, and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs by the end of it. This one will make it into my top ten reads of the year as of right now. Officially will read anything Besson writes, esPECIALLY the book he’s putting out next year, The Summer Boy, out May 2026.

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy (Translated from Russian by Briggs)
Classic Historical Fiction

“The aim of war is murder, the weapons of war are spying, treachery and the fostering of further treachery, the destruction of people, looting their property and stealing from them to keep the army on the road, falsehood and deceit, which go by the name of clever tactical ploys, and the moral basis of the military class is the curtailment of freedom through discipline, linked with idleness, ignorance, cruelty, debauchery and drunkenness. And in spite of all that, it’s still the highest class, universally respected. All heads of state except the Chinese wear military uniforms, and the biggest rewards go to the man who has killed the most people . . .”

I’ve already written both a Goodreads review (linked above) and a Substack essay, so I won’t talk about this too much, but mostly I just wanted to say that I am so happy to have read this. I started it back in March, then put it on pause from April to early October, then spent the end of October and most of November getting through the last 2/3rds. So only about nine weeks overall, which isn’t awful. It’s a huge accomplishment obviously, but it feels like I learned so much about myself, about Russia, and about the history of the War of 1812. It makes me want to pick up more paperbacks and more classics, and I hope in the new year I can do just that. And yeah, it made me appreciate Great Comet so much more than I already did. It’s books like this that really make me appreciate the power of literature.

Also, nobody asked, but I mostly read the Briggs Penguin Paperback edition (highly recommend) and periodically listened to the Maude translation Audiobook narrated by Thandiwe Newton.

One Day by David Nicholls
Adult LitFic Romance

“What are you going to do with your life?” In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer... “Live each day as if it’s your last’, that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn’t practical. Better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.”

I read this per a friend’s request, but a dozen years ago I sat on the couch at home, alone for the Fourth of July holiday, binging movies, and that’s the first time I experienced One Day. Which is to say, yes, I know it’s devastating, but I had forgotten everything else about this story, and experiencing it firsthand in the book was delightful and heart-breaking and maddening. Brilliant storytelling, such a great premise (each chapter takes place on the same date - July 15 - across twenty years), and it made me nostalgic in a way that is almost impossible because this is a story that fits my parents’ timeline rather than mine. I know some people hate cheeky, depressing British stories, but this is like if Bridget Jones and Evenings & Weekends had a kid, and I just loved it. Dex and Em 4 Ever. Now I have to go cry some more.

A Language of Limbs by Dylin Hardcastle
Adult Queer LitFic

“You have taught me that failing is part of the process of making art, and that life is our greatest work. When I arrive at the end of this making, I know that I will be holding the most beautiful artwork, because of you. And for that, I cannot thank you enough.”

God you guys. This book. By some twist of fate, I picked this up the same month I read Philippe Besson, and I really think there’s a lot of connections between his works and this one. This is like lesbian / fem / trans / Australian Philippe Besson. And the author is transmasc (he/they). I think this will end up in my top ten of the year, probably higher than Besson’s books, actually. It took my breath away, to the extent that I was sitting on the floor of Bradley airport in Connecticut, trapped in a two-hour flight delay, GASPING and trying not to cry. Funny it mentions language in its title because this is some of the most exquisite writing, most gorgeous language that I’ve ever read. The metaphors! The poetry! The storytelling! The parallelism!!!! THE LESBIANS!!!! This is about queerness, about womanhood, about grief, about societal expectations, about found family, about writing, about story, about AIDS, about family, about growing up, about art. I want to reread it immediately. RUN DON’T WALK.

MUSIC

Everybody Scream by Florence + the Machine

The universe smiled upon me because Flo is playing in my city on my birthday next year (!!) and we got floor seats for me and my best friends! This new album is delicious, and even though I don’t think it’s my favorite FATM, it is superior to Dance Fever and I have been so obsessed with it this month. Florence is truly one of my all-time favorite artists, ever since I found her in the new and noteworthy section on iTunes in 2009, and I’m so thankful that we didn’t lose her to her pregnancy emergency. Long live the queen!!! Favorites right now include “Buckle,” “The Old Religion,” “Kraken,” and “You Can Have it All.” Also the chamber version of “The Old Religion” is reaaaally hitting.

Stage Girl by Eli

I discovered Eli a few weeks ago, and she just released her debut album at the end of October. She’s doing huge things for trans girls, and I’m obsessed with her campy 2000s popstar energy. She’s bringing Gaga/Chappell levels of personality, and I want the world for her and her career. Great vocals, incredible production for someone who’s so up and coming, and really catchy melodies. This feels like a CD I would’ve spun in my bedroom boombox in 2003. Favorites right now are “All At Once,” “iTouch (Da Da),” and “Like a Girl.”

Natasha, Pierre & the Great Comet of 1812

As you know, I am deep in my War and Peace era, and this month I read the section that inspired Dave Malloy’s musical. I was so overjoyed to find that most of the musical is a direct quote from the book, so with every chapter that passed, I could not help but sing the songs. Still one of my favorite pieces of musical theater, everybody should listen to it. And yes, it did deserve the 2017 Tony, I will never let that shit go.

“shoreline” by chloe moriondo

The new chloe record has slowly been working its way into my rotation, and this song in particular has really won my heart.

“Gabriela” by KATSEYE

I did not get the hype around KATSEYE at first and I’m still not sure I’m a big fan of them but this song is like the 2020s “Jolene” and unfortunately it’s incredibly catchy. Obsessed.

“House Tour” & “Nobody’s Son” by Sabrina Carpenter

Did I start listening to these ironically because the bridges got stuck in my head from short-form video content? Absolutely. Do I now listen unironically because they’re kinda good? Also true. Unfortunately, my house IS on pretty girl avenue and that boy IS corrupt!!! Lock me up!!!

“Good Ol’ Days” by Hayley Williams

I fought in the trenches to get four tickets to see Hayley at the Ryman next year and WON! So if she doesn’t play this song, which is possibly my favorite on the album, I’ll riot (ha). From “You can call me Miss Paramour” to the Beyoncé “surfboard” reference, or the line about Stevie Nicks…there’s so much to love about this sad song. HW forever!!

“Bowling Alley” by Audrey Hobert

For those unaware, Audrey is Gracie Abrams’ cousin who has cowritten a number of Gracie’s songs with her. Audrey put out her own record this year, and while her music is a little campier than I like, I do respect her commitment to the bit! This song has no business being as catchy as it is, and I cannot get it out of my head. Help.

“Justin’s Headed Out” by mercury

My favorite hometown band mercury has put out a few songs this year (“Heaven” came out this month!!), but I’ve been spinning this 2025 release a lot lately. Something about the production really scratches an itch in my brain, and it’s perfect for driving through the fall foliage.

“Sail Away” by The Last Dinner Party

This is the one song I’ve latched onto from the new TLDP album, but man it’s good. I love how simple it is, yet it cuts right to the heart. Pairs will with “Buckle” by FATM…

“Your Idol” from KPop Demon Hunters

Yeah, I’m still listening to KPDH. Can’t stop listening to this banger at the gym. It makes me feel invincible.

Bowling for Soup’s cover of “Actually Romantic”

Yes, you read that right!! B4S put out their own version of Taylor’s Showgirl track, and I’m obsessed. It feels fuller than the original, production-wise, and I wish Taylor had leaned into the alt-rock sound that B4S is doing here. Also the cover art they came up with with the chihuahua in the purse is excellent.

“House” by Charli xcx with John Cale

The first time I listened to this song, I wasn’t sure what I thought of it, and then I put it on repeat for like 20min and fell into a bewitching trance. Regardless of the new Wuthering Heights movie this song is made for, the song is a work of art. It’s “elegant and brutal” just like Charli hoped, and the video is wonderfully creepy. I wrote an autofiction piece about it, that’s how moving it was for me. Very excited to hear the rest of this album next year.

I also made a playlist inspired by this song if you’re interested!

FILM/TV

Heated Rivalry (EP 1&2) (Crave / HBO)
Gay Hockey Romance Dramedy Mini-Series

So for those who’ve been here, you’ll know I read this book first in June and then I picked it up again…last month… The show was announced over the summer (maybe?), and at first it seemed like a distant pipe dream, something that wouldn’t pan out or if it did, something that was not even worth watching, something as horrible as the Red, White, & Royal Blue movie. But. My beloved Jacob Tierney is at the helm, and if you know his work with Letterkenny and Shoresy, you know that this show had no choice but to be a huge success. The build-up has been absolutely insane, and I’ve been texting my hockey yaoi friends relentlessly about this…so what’s the final verdict?

OBSESSED. We haven’t had an adaptation this good in YEARS. Somehow Tierney has managed to 1) stick closely to the source material from book one 2) add depth and context from book two 3) make gay smut tasteful and cinematic 4) HIRE THE REAL LIFE EMBODIMENTS OF SHANE AND ILYA. Jaw was on the floor for most of it, could not stop screaming and giggling, definitely did not watch episode two at BNA waiting for my flight…

I probably could write an essay about this, but I’m not going to bore yall. Just know that for a very NSFW show, I was so deeply impressed and I’m stoked to get to see the rest of this series play out. Hudson and Connor have my heart and I’m so impressed by them and their commitment to these characters. WE STAY WINNING!!

Shrinking S2 (Apple TV)

One Saturday I sat down with Jules to binge the new season of Shrinking (a year late? maybe) while I worked on some editing, and we got about halfway through in one sitting. I’m not sure it holds the same magic as season one, but it’s still funny as hell and full of grief and relationships and real human stuff. Such a great cast, and I’m hoping to get to the rest of this season soon!

Wicked: For Good (2025)

Listen, I am a Wicked Act II truther — when I was eleven I spent most of my time listening to “As Long as You’re Mine” and “Thank Goodness” — but this was not good. Shall I complain about the horribly boring new songs? The insane amount of bad CGI and green screens? The lack of chemistry between Jonathan Bailey and Cynthia Erivo? The ridiculous amount of annoying riffing that Ari and Cynthia added? Or maybe just the fact that this is a long movie with new songs meant to add depth and character, and yet somehow by the end of it, the only character who felt like she’d changed at all was Glinda. I know the source material is what it is, but come on guys. At least Ariana was acting her ass off and Jonathan Bailey is the sexiest man alive.

And yeah, I did burst into tears during that moment, so at least we have that.

SUBSTACK

To Love or Leave

“I think about the homes I’ve left behind. They were friends whose idea of care no longer aligned with mine. They were church pews where my friends could take a seat but weren’t allowed to be their full selves. They were ideologies that benefitted a few while the rest of the world was left to suffer.

Some of these homes gave me a sense of community. I met people who showed me a better world even when the one we were in didn’t look the same. I got glimpses of warmth from relationships that now feel distant. And even though North Carolina is where I nearly lost myself, I love going back and seeing some of the people who helped me make who I am.”

***And Miss Paramore hersELF restacked this so you KNOW it’s good!!

Find a Place You Trust

“If family is inheritance, then friendship is creation.

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DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN LET YOURSELF BE CHANGED?”

still growing, still unfolding, still curious

“We don’t come of age once. We keep coming of age, again and again. I’m not turning the page to start a new chapter. I’m simply continuing to write my story, one that keeps unfolding and keeps teaching me who I am and who I’m still becoming.”

Look Alive Out There!

I signed up for Ava’s paid subscription because she sends out cute prints and stickers and stuff with her monthly content and I received the first one this month (not this^ post) and I just think we should all be doing the snail mail newsletter thing. Has me wondering if I should consider getting into that in the new year, but I’m awful at mailing shit. Lmk if you’d be interested in paying a few bucks for a photo print and some printed words from me in your actual mailbox though, maybe I can get my act together…

#07 - my (current) journal ecosystem

LOL

In Honor of Alice 🖤

For those who didn’t hear, our beloved Alice Wong passed away this month. She’s such a huge part of the disabled community in America, and it’s devastating to lose her. She did so much with her life, and I was profoundly impacted by her memoir, Year of the Tiger earlier this year.

I wanted to leave a space here firstly to remember her, so nobody forgets the work she did, but also so that we remember to honor her memory now and always by supporting disability justice.

Avery (aqueerseminarian) posted a great graphic on Tumblr that I’ll share here.

You can donate to the Disability Visibility Project here or contribute to the Crips for eSims for Gaza campaign, which Alice created with other disabled activists.

And read her books!!! Long live Alice!!!!